Greetings! I hope everyone's weekend is off to a fantastic start.
MINE IS...the weather is going to be delightful and the coffee brewing smells delicious. But before I poured my first cup, I signed on to my ReverbNation page to check the charts. I normally don't get this obsessed with statistics, but with friends like you, who needs caffeine for a jolt of energy?
Thanks to your support I am 8 points from the #4 spot and...this is really encouraging...only 15 points from #3.
There's this magical number here known as "Band Equity" that is affected by several factors, including number of places my widgets appear and hits on them, number of plays of my audio and video clips, visits to my profile and new fans to name a few. WE CAN DO IT!!!
In addition to enjoying a whole lotta comedy love, imagine what a great weekend it would be for a lot more people if you share it! You can place a widget or banner on any social networking site or blog, email a 'tune pak', or tell your friends about a place where the laughs are abundant and invite them to become a fan...
OF A COMEDIAN YOU KNOW WHO ONE DAY MAY BE NUMBER ONE ON THE CHARTS!!!
Love & laughs,
Shelly
http://www.reverbnation.com/shellyryan
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
My best bosom buddy
I wrote this a few years ago and share it...trying to find SOME humor in the fact that in one week I will be 50 years old. This theme resulted in a sketch comedy script that was produced, the video of which I'm TRYING to upload about Barbie's little "secret" she revealed on a popular talk show. I also include numerous references in my stand-up comedy. Of course Barbie has a hard time standing up on account of unrealistically proportioned boobs and those crazy high heeled shoes...
Barbie: My bosom buddy
It's hard to believe the famous fashion doll and I are the same age. What happened? Even back in the day I never had statistically impossible measurement proportions. And since Barbie's locks remain eternally blond, she will never be friends with Miss Clairol!
Some of my friends weren't allowed to play with Barbies! Several moms thought they were too voluptuous and thus would give girls false hopes and unrealistic expectations. I wasn't worried about the gargantuan breasts. No, my concern was about those misshapen feet that would only slip into uncomfortable pastel plastic shoes.
This is make-believe, okay? Little girls also shouldn't think they'll get the dream house, corvette, hot tub, or the closet-full of a fashion wardrobe. Especially with a boyfriend who did not appear to be gainfully employed.
I didn't want my Barbie to be the beautiful ballerina. Why was there no Biker Chick Barbie.? How difficult would it be to furnish leather pants and miniature press-on tattoos? There was NO WAY I wanted to be like Barbie. Think about it, Ken was not anatomically correct!
Since I had the Limited Edition Toybox Trash model, we're really talking girls gone wild. The little floozy couldn't resist a man in uniform, so she had a hot fling with my cousin's GI Joe.
And here we go again…Some of Scot's friends weren't allowed to play with THAT toy. One side was concerned about boys playing with dolls, but hey, these were Army guys. They were macho, testosterone-laden dolls. Then the other faction had their US government issued boxers in a wad because of the toys being too violent.
Don't worry, little Timmy isn't going to go out and shoot people just because he plays with GI Joes. Timmy isn't going to want to be like GI Joe when he grows up because while Joe had a nifty uniform that attracted blond babes like Barbie, he lacked a missile of love.
Where the manufacturers DID perfect the anatomical action was with Puberty Skipper. If those troublesome teen years could only be so easy! The doll had a flat chest when her arms were raised above her head. Then when you moved her arms downward towards her side, out would pop an ample bosom. Disclaimer: training bra not included with doll.
While this fashion babe has evolved from the 1960s in many ways, she is fortunate to have not gone through the trials and tribulations of aging. She remains firm without working out; her skin stays youthful without the benefits of Oil of Olay.
Barbie put the "plastic" in plastic surgery, her boobs will never sag. But I bet her feet are killing her after wearing those wicked shoes for so many years.
Barbie: My bosom buddy
It's hard to believe the famous fashion doll and I are the same age. What happened? Even back in the day I never had statistically impossible measurement proportions. And since Barbie's locks remain eternally blond, she will never be friends with Miss Clairol!
Some of my friends weren't allowed to play with Barbies! Several moms thought they were too voluptuous and thus would give girls false hopes and unrealistic expectations. I wasn't worried about the gargantuan breasts. No, my concern was about those misshapen feet that would only slip into uncomfortable pastel plastic shoes.
This is make-believe, okay? Little girls also shouldn't think they'll get the dream house, corvette, hot tub, or the closet-full of a fashion wardrobe. Especially with a boyfriend who did not appear to be gainfully employed.
I didn't want my Barbie to be the beautiful ballerina. Why was there no Biker Chick Barbie.? How difficult would it be to furnish leather pants and miniature press-on tattoos? There was NO WAY I wanted to be like Barbie. Think about it, Ken was not anatomically correct!
Since I had the Limited Edition Toybox Trash model, we're really talking girls gone wild. The little floozy couldn't resist a man in uniform, so she had a hot fling with my cousin's GI Joe.
And here we go again…Some of Scot's friends weren't allowed to play with THAT toy. One side was concerned about boys playing with dolls, but hey, these were Army guys. They were macho, testosterone-laden dolls. Then the other faction had their US government issued boxers in a wad because of the toys being too violent.
Don't worry, little Timmy isn't going to go out and shoot people just because he plays with GI Joes. Timmy isn't going to want to be like GI Joe when he grows up because while Joe had a nifty uniform that attracted blond babes like Barbie, he lacked a missile of love.
Where the manufacturers DID perfect the anatomical action was with Puberty Skipper. If those troublesome teen years could only be so easy! The doll had a flat chest when her arms were raised above her head. Then when you moved her arms downward towards her side, out would pop an ample bosom. Disclaimer: training bra not included with doll.
While this fashion babe has evolved from the 1960s in many ways, she is fortunate to have not gone through the trials and tribulations of aging. She remains firm without working out; her skin stays youthful without the benefits of Oil of Olay.
Barbie put the "plastic" in plastic surgery, her boobs will never sag. But I bet her feet are killing her after wearing those wicked shoes for so many years.
My schedule (so far) for 2009
The last blog I posted (with Biker Chick Barbie) brings back fond memories of my last road trip to Spencer, VA. Thanks to the fine folks at mapquest. com whose motto is "hahaha you BELIEVED us?" I could have lived out my fantasy on account of where I stopped to ask for directions.
Here's what's going on with the awesome Indiegrrl organization.
And why not take a road trip to my site at ReverbNation where you can get schedule updates delivered directly to your inbox, because in 2009 I'm going to share a whole lotta comedy love!
Here's what's going on with the awesome Indiegrrl organization.
And why not take a road trip to my site at ReverbNation where you can get schedule updates delivered directly to your inbox, because in 2009 I'm going to share a whole lotta comedy love!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
After I posted my "Belated Holiday Letter" blog there was something in the back of my mind I forgot to mention. During my son's hospitalization (which was by no means easy but we got through it with of all things...you guessed it...LAUGHTER), we had some great conversations as he shuffled down the halls pushing his IV pole.
In addition to agreeing that yes, the summer before his senior year of high school sucked and cracking some jokes about hospitals, John always mentioned that there were kids who had way worse problems than he did.
Today I read a blog from a mother who posted a blog entitled, "Laughing is good!" AMEN! But considering what her 4 year old daughter has been through...
Please add Sophia's Journey as a friend. CLICK THIS MYSPACE LINK. You will be inspired!
In addition to agreeing that yes, the summer before his senior year of high school sucked and cracking some jokes about hospitals, John always mentioned that there were kids who had way worse problems than he did.
Today I read a blog from a mother who posted a blog entitled, "Laughing is good!" AMEN! But considering what her 4 year old daughter has been through...
Please add Sophia's Journey as a friend. CLICK THIS MYSPACE LINK. You will be inspired!
My belated holiday letter
And now a word from our sponsor:
Laughter!
Perhaps a trite expression and maybe it's not the "best" medicine. Somewhere in the archives there are blogs on this topic, but we all have experienced the healing power of humor. That's why I share the comedy love with such abundance...not only for the people out there who might be having a dark day and need some sunlight...but some days for my OWN therapy and sanity!
Like when I got "the letter". You've probably received them, too. The ones when you see the return address you get that wicked vomit taste in your mouth. It's the HAPPY HOLIDAY GREETINGS FROM MR. AND MRS. PERFECT and their darling do-no-wrong offspring.
Wow, what are the odds Jimbo would get ANOTHER promotion? That's an average of one a year for...how long have we been getting your annual updates? He should be beyond the top of the corporate ladder by now, shouldn't he?
Holy all-star team! With Jimbo Jr. and Suzie participating in every sport, playing every musical instrument when do they have time to sleep...and study so they can make perfect grades in all their honors classes?
In past years I halfway joked about making up some crazy story that sounded more like the lyrics of a sad country western tune. I would write my holiday greetings as I drank cheap whiskey straight out of the bottle. HA! Well if I actually WROTE a letter this year, it wouldn't be a work of fiction!
Happy Holidays Y'all (hic)!!!
We had a decent start to 2008. After John's 10 day suspension from school late last year for throwing an orange in the lunchroom, we're glad that juvenile court settled for mediation and he didn't move on to bigger crimes. Although it could have been tempting since his grandfather sent a box of potential ammo (grapefruit) home with us after our spring break trip to Florida.
The rest of the year was interesting, to say the least. When John returned to school in the fall, his "what I did on my summer vacation" paper included spending 6 weeks in the hospital, being cut open, stapled shut and coming home with about one foot less of his intestines. We ended the year with a bang. No, really, because his car was struck from behind and got totalled.
As for my daughter, well it was a good year because she and her husband bought their first house and had their second daughter. Unfortunately between events one and two my son-in-law lost his job.
The point to this blog is stressing the importance of finding a glimpse of humor in situations that (at least at that moment) are not so funny. What got my son through a month and a half of what we hope will be the worst time of his life? Good friends who brought an endless supply of comedy DVDs to the hospital.
Although no "real" holiday letter was written, I thank everyone for the love, laughter and support throughout the entire year and extend the same best wishes to all of you and your loved ones!
Laughter!
Perhaps a trite expression and maybe it's not the "best" medicine. Somewhere in the archives there are blogs on this topic, but we all have experienced the healing power of humor. That's why I share the comedy love with such abundance...not only for the people out there who might be having a dark day and need some sunlight...but some days for my OWN therapy and sanity!
Like when I got "the letter". You've probably received them, too. The ones when you see the return address you get that wicked vomit taste in your mouth. It's the HAPPY HOLIDAY GREETINGS FROM MR. AND MRS. PERFECT and their darling do-no-wrong offspring.
Wow, what are the odds Jimbo would get ANOTHER promotion? That's an average of one a year for...how long have we been getting your annual updates? He should be beyond the top of the corporate ladder by now, shouldn't he?
Holy all-star team! With Jimbo Jr. and Suzie participating in every sport, playing every musical instrument when do they have time to sleep...and study so they can make perfect grades in all their honors classes?
In past years I halfway joked about making up some crazy story that sounded more like the lyrics of a sad country western tune. I would write my holiday greetings as I drank cheap whiskey straight out of the bottle. HA! Well if I actually WROTE a letter this year, it wouldn't be a work of fiction!
Happy Holidays Y'all (hic)!!!
We had a decent start to 2008. After John's 10 day suspension from school late last year for throwing an orange in the lunchroom, we're glad that juvenile court settled for mediation and he didn't move on to bigger crimes. Although it could have been tempting since his grandfather sent a box of potential ammo (grapefruit) home with us after our spring break trip to Florida.
The rest of the year was interesting, to say the least. When John returned to school in the fall, his "what I did on my summer vacation" paper included spending 6 weeks in the hospital, being cut open, stapled shut and coming home with about one foot less of his intestines. We ended the year with a bang. No, really, because his car was struck from behind and got totalled.
As for my daughter, well it was a good year because she and her husband bought their first house and had their second daughter. Unfortunately between events one and two my son-in-law lost his job.
The point to this blog is stressing the importance of finding a glimpse of humor in situations that (at least at that moment) are not so funny. What got my son through a month and a half of what we hope will be the worst time of his life? Good friends who brought an endless supply of comedy DVDs to the hospital.
Although no "real" holiday letter was written, I thank everyone for the love, laughter and support throughout the entire year and extend the same best wishes to all of you and your loved ones!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
5...4...3...2...1...FIRST BLOG OF 2009!
Nothing like ringing in 2009 on the couch with the only party going on, besides the millions of people rockin' in Times Square, was the whimsical personifications (thanks to the advertising executives for Mucinex) of creatures doing the conga line in my sinuses.
My intent was to post more blogs (mostly because I found some hilarious pictures to accompany the audio/video comedy clips)...so here's the abbreviated version of the last half of the countdown of the 12 Days of Comedy Love...
6 hedgehogs mating
5 giant attack swine that do NOT like paparazzi...
4 teletubbies on their way to Times Square to be naughty...
3 board games. If the date's NOT behind the door he's probably a click away on MySpace...
2 smuggled huevos...the gift that keeps on giving...
And a "goose" sharing comedy!
...which prompted me to write some NEW stuff about the New Year's Eve countdown and the interesting things that might be "dropped"...like Atlanta's famous peach which looks like a giant buttcheek falling from the sky!!!!
Looking forward to sharing a WHOLE LOTTA COMEDY LOVE with you in 2009. Keep the party going and tell your friends!
Shelly
My intent was to post more blogs (mostly because I found some hilarious pictures to accompany the audio/video comedy clips)...so here's the abbreviated version of the last half of the countdown of the 12 Days of Comedy Love...
6 hedgehogs mating
5 giant attack swine that do NOT like paparazzi...
4 teletubbies on their way to Times Square to be naughty...
3 board games. If the date's NOT behind the door he's probably a click away on MySpace...
2 smuggled huevos...the gift that keeps on giving...
And a "goose" sharing comedy!
...which prompted me to write some NEW stuff about the New Year's Eve countdown and the interesting things that might be "dropped"...like Atlanta's famous peach which looks like a giant buttcheek falling from the sky!!!!
Looking forward to sharing a WHOLE LOTTA COMEDY LOVE with you in 2009. Keep the party going and tell your friends!
Shelly
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
