This reminds me of a few days ago when I posted the 'Modern Mother Goose' audio comedy. As a child I questioned how a cow could get so high it could jump over the moon. Here's an explanation based on a Seriously Weird! news report:
INT - Press Conference. There are 2 reporters, each holding a pad of paper and pen, a National Dairy Council spokesperson behind a podium with a microphone, Russian farmer, and a screen where various 'studies' will be shown.....
SPOKESPERSON:
Good afternoon. With the recent concern about Mad Cow Disease, we at the National Dairy Council are pleased to inform you that this issue is HIGH on our list.
REPORTER 1:
How close is Mad Cow to becoming an epidemic?
SPOKESPERSON:
If left unchecked, gangs of menacing bovine could...
Points to picture on screen of 'mad' cows (have weapons and look generally menacing). ....
COW V.O.:
Yo. We are cows and we are really pissed off. Mooooo Mutha-f (cut).
SPOKESPERSON:
As you can see, it's quite serious. In an effort to spare senseless violence among cows as well as to keep public health safety at the forefront, we are taking immediate action to WEED out these mad cows.
REPORTER 2:
What does the National Dairy council have in mind?
SPOKESPERSON:
Let me introduce the brains behind this moooo-vement who will explain how we're turning mad cows into happy ones.
RUSSIAN FARMER:
The winter after we fed our cows confiscated marijuana, we discovered they became much more mellow.
Points to picture on screen of several cows. One has Bob Marley braids, the other has a joint hanging out of its mouth. ....
COW V.O.:
Moooo, man, I like grazin' in the grass.
REPORTER:
Have you thought about what effects do you think this will have on the consumer?
RUSSIAN FARMER:
No, we didn't really think about what would happen, but...
SPOKESPERSON:
(interrupts). There is no reason for concern. We performed similar controlled experiments on our own cows and consumers.
Run film: Kids come through door, race towards kitchen table and chase each other around it, shrieking.....
MOM:
Did you children have a nice day?
JIMMY:
(hyper) Hey mom, we're home. Haha but you already knew that boy did I have fun at school I disrupted my math class and threw a calculator at my teacher but she didn't know it was me so I didn't get a detention...
SUZIE:
(also hyper) I had so much fun at school we got to read a story but it was really dumb then I smacked Sally because she liked the story and at lunch I ....
MOM:
How about some milk and cookies?
Mother pours 2 glasses of milk and sets out a plate containing a small portion of cookies. Jimmy and Suzie gulp down their milk, then become VERY relaxed.
JIMMY:
Wow, mom, this is really good milk. It's like so white and everything.
SUZIE:
Hey, dude, I've got the munchies, do you have any more cookies?
Cut back to press conference. ....
REPORTER:
I cannot believe you would endanger the public in this manner! Isn't there something else that won't have potential side effects?
SPOKESPERSON:
We did have an experiment in the 90s with farmers in ....Wisconsin.... who claim there is another way to calm the cows...
In the background we hear Mozart's 'Andante for Flute and Orchestra.'....
COW V.O.:
Actually, we responded better to moooovement in D minor.
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