Whew! We made it! With the 11 pipers piping now we've got some music! Even the BIRDS are rockin' around the Christmas tree! Favorite 12 drummers in no particular order:
The Little Drummer Boy - parumpumpumpum
Ringo Starr (Beatles)
Alan White (YES)
John Bonham (Led Zeppelin) - BEST ROCK DRUMMER
Buddy Rich - BEST JAZZ DRUMMER
Max Weinberg (Late Night with Conan O'Brien)
Tommy Lee (Motley Crue)
Steel drum music - ANY
Don Henley (The Eagles)
Nick Manson (Pink Floyd)
Robert Johnson (KC and the Sunshine Band)...shake your booty!
Ian Paice (Deep Purple)
Tyler Stewart (Barenaked Ladies)
That last one reminds me: I get REALLY confused by the names of bands. And so did a nice Granny trying to do her holiday shopping. Here is the script of a sketch I wrote that was produced on stage in Atlanta by the great folks at Sketchworks!
MUSIC SHOPPING: by Michele Ryan
INT - A music store. There is a rack of CD's, and a couple of sets of headphones to listen to CD's. Granny, sporting a cardigan sweater, enters store carrying a large pocketbook and is holding a piece of paper. She is greeted by clerk with baggy pants (boxers showing) and a t-shirt depicting a rock band on it. Music is playing.
CLERK: Yo, welcome to Music Megastore. Like, can I help you find anything?
GRANNY: Yes, I mean "yo" young man, you certainly can. I need to buy a birthday gift for my grandson and don't know what kind of music is groovy, I mean hip.
CLERK: I see you have a list. Maybe we can start there.
GRANNY: Yes, Jimmy wants something by M and M.
CLERK: Here, put these on and listen to the CD.
Granny puts on headphones. Loud music initially startles her, but then she starts bobbing her head and tapping her toe to the music. Suddenly gets shocked look on her face.
GRANNY: (shouting over song) What did they just say? Someone should wash his mouth out with soap!
Granny removes headphones.
GRANNY: Those dancing ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />California raisins back in the 80's didn't cuss! Mercy, I didn't expect this from colorful hard-shelled candies.
CLERK: It's not the M&M's, it's Eminem, the white dude who sings rap. Maybe you need something a little more tame.
Granny picks up a CD.
GRANNY: Nelly, that's a nice name. I bet she doesn't have a potty mouth. When I was a little girl I named my horse Nelly.
CLERK: I'm cool with that. Maybe you'll like this song.
Clerk hands Granny headphones. She puts them on and starts dancing.
Granny: (starts singing loudly) It's getting hot in here (mumbles)...I am gettin' so hot, I wanna take my clothes off.
Starts to peel off sweater, shimmy, then looks embarrassed and stops. Takes off headphones.
GRANNY: That's a cute song. Is it by that group Buck Nekkid Women?
CLERK: No, that was Nelly's CD. And the other group is Bare Naked Ladies.
GRANNY: Well, performing with no clothing doesn't sound very ladylike!
CLERK: Actually, the group is made up of guys, and they're dressed.
GRANNY: Dressed like women?
CLERK: No, like men. Let's take a look at what else is on your list.
GRANNY: Has Lil' Bow Wow released anything since "Who Let the Dogs Out?"
CLERK: He's just Bow Wow now, and that song was by the Baha Men.
Granny quickly picks up another CD and smiles.
GRANNY: Geezer...now that sounds like music for us senior citizens.
CLERK: No, that's Weezer.
GRANNY: Oh, do they have asthma?
CLERK: No, it's just the name of the band.
GRANNY: This is getting too confusing! All that cussing, men who want to be women, barking bahama men...I think I'll just take a few of the bargain CD's you have (points to rack). What a steal at 50 Cents.
CLERK: I'm sorry ma'am, that's the name of the artist. Fifty Cent.
GRANNY: Well, young man, you've been very helpful. (glances at Clerk's boxers) I think I'll go buy Jimmy a belt so his trousers don't sag as badly as yours do.
Granny goes out door and alarm sounds. She is stopped by a security guard. Security guard looks in Granny's purse and begins pulling out CD's.
SECURITY GUARD: Ma'am, you seem like a nice little old lady. Why did you take all these CD's?
GRANNY: Listen young man, just because I'm a senior citizen doesn't mean I can't get my freak on. Aren't you going to frisk me, baby?
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